Fixing yesterday's problems tomorrow, today.
Grandfather got you down? We'll smooth out the causal loop without creating a singularity.
Hotfix history on the fly. Minor retcons available same-day.
That email you sent at 2 AM? It never happened. Guaranteed.
Lost a Tuesday to quantum interference? We bring Tuesdays back.
All repairs are non-refundable once causality is restored.
A junior intern accidentally gave them smartphones. The asteroid is actually a preferred outcome now.
Client claims it fell "too early." We're negotiating with barbarians.
Turns out we only patched 1999. The year 2000 is still affected in dimension C-137.
High volume request. Queue is approximately 14,000 realities long.